Mother’s Day Challenge: 8 Tips for How to Destress
Mother’s Day is coming up, and I wanted to share something from my own life, as well as 8 tips for How to Destress that I hope will encourage and challenge you.
But first, be sure to enter the Mother’s Day Giveaway at the end of this post! Winning a $100 gift card sure would help you destress, wouldn’t it?
Destressing Tips: The Impetus
Recently, I went to visit my parents for my birthday, and spent some quiet time beside the falls at Falls Park in self-evaluation and talking with the Lord.
It was actually a very painful time for me because I was dealing with the consequences of my own scattered brain and letting my adult kids down (which they let me know about).
And I will admit it. I was also pretty ticked off. Fuming mad, if I’m being honest.
I felt that they don’t fully understand the life of a mom (particularly my life because there are extenuating circumstances) and were focused more on their own hurt. (Not true, by the way.)
We moms serve, and we serve, and we serve. We do a million things, juggle a billion to-dos, and all without any credit or even awareness oftentimes.
It’s one thing when your young kids don’t get it. But when they grow up and become adults and get married and they still don’t appreciate all you do, then it really stings. (Again, not true. But it sure felt true last week!)
Come on. They were supposed to “rise up and call me blessed,” dang it!
Additionally, I take great joy in serving my family. Serving is one of my spiritual gifts, and I love to do it! It feels good to make others happy and fulfill their needs. So this felt like a direct attack, not just on my efforts, but on me. On my identity.
Friend, the enemy had me in absolute turmoil. And he was trying to divide our family through it!
See, at one point my naturopath, Gleanda Sims (Royal Health Oasis), tested me and found that my stress level was one of the highest she had ever seen! There are multiple reasons for it, both physical and life circumstances (a chronically ill husband plays a part), which I won’t rabbit trail into here.
But the point is, stress affects the memory and the brain’s ability to function. And my brain has let me down more times than I can count.
I not only forget to do things, but even that I promised in the first place! It makes me feel like a broken and defective mother.
So I’m already hard on myself about it. It’s a real sore spot, and it hurts when it’s poked.
But sometimes God lets our pain get poked so He can draw attention to the wound and clean it out. And His timing is impeccable.
Work for the ‘well-done’ of One.
I was already planning to go away to my parents’ house for a long weekend, so now I had that time to talk to the Lord about all my burdens, without any distraction. I didn’t even have my youngest with me this time because he had plants to get in the ground at home.
And God, in His kindness, immediately gave me several ways to serve my parents, making me feel wanted, needed, and appreciated: I fixed a torn awning that they had been stressed about fixing (since it required climbing a ladder in a precarious place); I climbed up on the roof and blew all the pollen down; and then I blew all the pollen off their deck, sidewalk, and driveway.
I was a sweaty, pollen-y mess by the end of all that!
And even though my emotions were over-the-top and in some ways unjustified, the Holy Spirit spoke so kindly and gently to me, not chastising me or pointing out my faults. He knew I was doing enough of that already.
He was just present. Present as I helped and served. Present as I thanked Him for the opportunity. Present as I stood on the roof in a mask, blowing dusty pollen onto the ground. He said: “Danielle, whose ‘well-done’ do you work for? Work for the ‘well done’ of One.”
That hit me with a deep comfort and gentle conviction! As moms, we have a promise that our children “shall rise up and call us blessed” (Proverbs 31:28), but ultimately, it is not our children’s (or even our husband’s) praise we should be working towards. The only “well done” we should need to hear is the one we will hear when Jesus welcomes us to heaven with, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
When I returned home, the pain was still there, but I knew God was renewing me, and in a few days, He orchestrated a conversation with my kids that helped us all understand each other better and see how much we all truly love each other, despite failings and hurt feelings.
I was able to receive the truth they spoke in love, and they were able to understand how my anger and defensiveness comes from a place of hurt and inadequacy. The Lord began to give me ideas for reducing my stress and coping with my forgetfulness.
I opened up my notes app and started a list: “Things to Change.”
How to Destress: 8 Tips to Decrease Stress
Many of the above tips are specific to my own life, so you will need to make your own list! Here are the broad headings that will help you as you think through your own life and what specific changes you can make as you learn how to destress:
1. To Reduce Stress, stop committing.
The first tip for how to destress in my own life came from my very protective husband who loves me and hates to see me hurting: “Stop committing to helping them. They are adults.” Ugh.
My immediate reaction was defensiveness. I wanted to say, “But they are good kids and they don’t mean to not appreciate me. They are genuinely hurt by my forgetfulness and when I drop the ball…” Etc.
Over my 49 years of life, I’ve learned to say no to a lot of things, but as a mom, you feel you must say yes to your kids, even if it kills you! But I stopped and realized that we have to have boundaries, not out of selfishness, but actually for the opposite reason.
I’m hurting them when I commit and then don’t follow through. And ironically, this is precisely what they have asked for! So why not give them what they want, for everyone’s benefit?
We have to allow our kids to grow up and go through the hardships of life. Even if we could help at times, we are not always called to help.
2. Reduce stress by limiting the brain input.
Part of what compounds stress is too much input to the brain. Switching from task to task, and having constant noise, is very draining to the brain. Limiting time on my phone (studies have shown too much cell phone usage causes stress) and the computer will help. So will taking a small daily rest time right after lunch when I start to feel drained.
But one other bad habit that has sneaked in, which I thought was actually a good habit, is listening to podcasts and YouTube videos while doing mindless chores. I thought I was maximizing my time this way, but I was actually diminishing the quiet time my brain needs to think, process, and hear from the Lord!
Which brings me to the next tip…
3. Reduce stress by spending more time with the Lord.
No matter what we are going through, the Holy Spirit will bring us comfort through God’s Word and quiet time with Him. Sometimes our stress is primarily due to not trusting in the Lord and turning to Him!
I realized that over the past couple years, my morning quiet time has slowly shortened. It was not uncommon for me in the past to spend 45 minutes to an hour daily with the Lord, right after waking and before even getting out of bed. It allowed me to hear from Him before getting caught up in the day’s tasks.
There was a season when my family needed fresh celery juice before breakfast, so I found myself popping out of bed right away to do that, then rushing through my devotions over breakfast (and natural interruptions). It’s time to re-form that old habit of devotions in bed!
4. Reduce stress by staying home more.
Another key to learning how to destress is to learn to simply stay home. Running around cuts into our time and breaks up the day. It’s also disruptive if we are always listening to podcasts or other verbal input while in the car.
Years ago, I actually worked on staying home more and probably went to the opposite extreme. But there have been extra responsibilities lately which I felt called to do, and it has taken me out of my home more. I need to learn to say no, even to my family, and also find ways to compromise when I feel God wants me to say yes.
Watching my granddaughter twice a week is a blessing for both my kids and me! I’m not giving that up! (If you’re a grandma, you understand!) But they live close by and can bring her to my home one of those days. They had offered originally, but I didn’t want to cause any extra trouble. This is where I should have accepted help, which again leads me to the next tip…
5. Reduce stress by asking for help.
Why does this feel SO hard?! I guess because when you are a mom, serving and helping becomes a part of your identity.
It’s especially hard when your kids are the ones offering the help! If anyone should be helping the family, it’s Mom! And knowing how busy my adult kids are, I feel guilty saying yes to their recent offer to come over every Saturday and help out with a few things.
But it struck me the other day that this was exactly what I had been hoping for: that my kids would just offer to come help us out a bit from time to time. Now they have offered, and I feel all this guilt about saying yes!
How silly. I have needed help. I have wanted them to offer help. They offered help. And I immediately want to say no! (What is wrong with me, anyway?)
If your family offers help, take it. If they don’t, ask for it. Serving is a blessing not just to those who receive the help, but also (and more so) to those who give it!
6. Reduce stress by addressing physical root causes.
Stress, like anything, can find its source in mental, spiritual, emotional, or physical roots. Often, life’s problems touch all of these areas to some degree.
For me, I believe stress has a physical root cause because I have always seemed to be more stressed about life’s responsibilities than the average person. I remember even in elementary school feeling like homework was a much heavier burden to me than to others. (Oddly, I didn’t stress over tests, though.)
Also, I have a laid-back personality, and the two don’t seem to go together. So I truly believe there is something physical going on in my brain, and I plan to have my naturopath, Gleanda, help me come up with a regimen of supplements and herbs to help me as I work on how to destress in every area.
I have also been trying to exercise more! In fact, Gleanda has become a good friend and we go walking at a nearby park together when we can. It is so good for me physically, but having a friend to talk to and spend time with has also been helpful for my stress.
And here’s a fun fact: Did you know that simply being around trees actually reduces stress? Studies have proven that trees reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels, blood pressure, and heart rates while increasing activity in the parasympathetic nervous system.
7. Reduce stress by processing emotions.
Sometimes stress compounds when we don’t take time to process our emotions. We never take the time to evaluate what’s bothering us and come up with a game plan for dealing with those issues.
That is part of what I did when I created my list, and part of what I’m doing here as I write! Taking time daily to talk with a friend/spouse, journal about your day, or simply talk with God as you take a hot bath in the evening can really help reduce stress.
I have always taken a bath in the evenings with my husband, but he finds talking particularly taxing on his brain, so I plan to start journaling more and talking more with friends (like on my walks I just mentioned).
8. Reduce stress by listening to calming music.
Music is powerful and the right music can calm your nervous system and help you feel relaxed.
The morning after my teary meltdown when Jon told me to quit committing to help my kids, I came out of the bedroom to hear beautiful praise music playing. He had gone to work, but left it playing for me, knowing I needed to start my morning with some melodic encouragement.
I used to listen to music often while doing chores around the house. Upbeat music helps me clean faster! And calm music relaxes my stressed brain. Praise music aligns my spirit with God’s heart, and helps me focus on Him.
Don’t underestimate the stress-reducing power of music and praising the Lord!
A Mother’s Day Challenge to De-Stress
This Mother’s Day, here’s your Mother’s Day Challenge: Take some time to pray and evaluate your life and what God has called you to. If you feel stressed, ask God to show you how to destress and take care of yourself. We think we are invincible sometimes, but as I’ve been painfully reminded, stress doesn’t just affect us! It hurts those around us when we fail in our commitments, become irritable and frustrated, and burn out our adrenal glands because our physical bodies can’t keep up.
God gives grace and stretches us to meet our family’s needs. Sometimes He calls us to more than we feel we can handle. But He cares about us and doesn’t want us to burn out doing more than what He’s actually called us to. We must discern where our Good Shepherd is leading us forward and where He is pulling us back.
If you want to know how to destress, it is simply this: Say no to demands that aren’t from Him, take care of yourself using these tips, and have faith that He will work it all out, even when you think it’s all on you! It’s not, sister. It’s all on Him!
And never forget: We work for the “well done” of One!
Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and in light of this blog post, I don’t need to remind you that moms don’t always make time to celebrate themselves. This one is for you, stressed and over-worked mama.
I want to help you further reduce your stress, so I’ve teamed up with a wonderful group of bloggers to bring you a special Mother’s Day Giveaway! What could reduce stress more than a little shopping spree for yourself? 😉 (Maybe tip #9 should have been “Go shopping!”)
We’re giving away five $100 gift cards — and the coolest part? You get to choose which store yours is for. Whatever makes your heart happy, this gift card is yours to spend exactly the way you want.
The giveaway runs from April 29th through May 8th, so hurry and get your entries in before it closes at 11:59 PM Pacific Time on May 8th.
To enter, simply use the KingSumo form below. There are several entry options because each blogger in this group has contributed to make this giveaway possible — and the more entries you complete, the better your chances of winning!
May the most stressed-out mamas win! You deserve it. 💗
Giveaway ends May 8th at 11:59pm Pacific Time. Winners will be drawn and emailed the following business day, Monday, May 11th. The winners will have 48 hours to respond to email to claim the prize. By entering this giveaway you will be added to the email lists of the participating bloggers. You must live in the United States or Canada to be eligible to win. Must be 18+ to win. Please be sure to read the Terms & Conditions upon entering the giveaway.
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